How to recover from burnout if you have ADHD (over and over again)
Last week, I burned out - literally. As ADHD: an A to Z became a number 1 best seller, a hot water bottle exploded in my face.
The worst part? I tried to carry on working as my face burned off. It happened 1 minute before a group coaching session, and instead of immediately prioritising my health, I attempted to coach through a sponge, before being convinced to go to hospital instead.
ADHD can impact our executive functioning skills, including memory and self-awareness. This means you may be able to write an entire chapter on burnout in a book but forget to implement it. ADHD-ers have often had to put in 500% more effort than average throughout childhood, and just assumed this effort level is normal - but it isn't. This is why adults are often diagnosed after burning out, because it's unsustainable to keep running at a million miles per hour: the mask slips eventually.
I last burned out in March, when I moved out of my flat with my ex and unsuccessfully balanced writing a new book, coaching far too many people, and going to Doncaster to model for Next every week. I'd wake up at 5am to write before photoshoots and coach in the hotel room afterwards.
Luckily, my Access to Work application came through and I found a coach, Jacqueline McCullough, who helped me stop working 14 hour days by putting in frameworks, boundaries, and processes. Then based in Bali, she coached me at 6am because I had no other time. I also found a virtual assistant, Beth Lewis, who transformed my life beyond recognition as she took on the administrative-vortex tasks.
Burnout is a state of exhaustion caused by prolonged stress, which I have trapped myself in for months without realising, because things were so bad before. Turning down the dial from 35000% to 350% is still far more than the human body is designed to be able to cope with.
As an Attention Deficit Workaholic, I managed to clear 'big' things from my plate, such as modelling and publishing The Reality Manifesto, but I replaced it with new things, like running an ADHD retreat and courses. Having ADHD can feel very much like all or nothing: if there's space, we will fill it.
Our current world enables us all to do more than ever before, but with no extra brain capacity to meet these new expectations. Remember receiving a postcard from someone on holiday, instead of 500 photos to keep up with? Remember calling a house phone to speak to someone, instead of pelting them with 20 minute long voice note monologues about your life? Remember what it was like to leave work at work?
My automatic response to stress is to do more. You tell yourself it's temporary; that you're just prioritising work in the short-term to be able to relax later on. I made courses to meet the demand of ADHD coaching, as there were so many people needing help. I isolated myself as I worked from waking to sleeping 7 days a week, with my brain stuck in hyper-focus mode.
The ADHD course excelled what I could have possibly imagined, with 65 people joining. However, because my brain was caught on the wave, it couldn't get off. A heated conversation about Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria led me to create another course. I now have 5 courses - which I've finally remembered to allow to run by themselves instead of needing to support groups of people through a new one every month!
However, it's only when we slow down a little bit that the stress whacks us in the face. I'd started to become fatigued, and struggled to do basic things, like go outside. I'd joined multiple clubs in an attempt to exercise, but couldn't find the energy to go to a single class. Lying in bed on my laptop felt easier than cooking myself a meal. Scrolling on social media or watching TV felt 'relaxing', but it sparked the dopamine seeking part of my brain. Vaping distracted me from the overwhelming feelings that something wasn't quite right. Everything had started to feel numb.
It can be very difficult to ask for help with burnout, because the answers are so obvious. Go outside. Exercise. Eat properly. Stop working so much. Say no. ADHD means we know what to do, we just can't always do it.
Fortunately, the hot water bottle exploding in my face was the wake up call I needed to do what I know. I realised the answers were not by doing more, but doing less. It wasn't staying at home for the weekend and working on my laptop: it was looking back at what's worked before and doing the same again. For me, the first step is always to get back into morning yoga classes. It can feel impossible, but getting back into this routine sets the foundation for everything else, including thinking clearly.
Chapter 'B is for Burnout' of ADHD: an A to Z explains how to make a burnout plan, spot signs, and implement strategies appropriately to avoid the point of complete and utter mental and physical exhaustion. However, we might still need the reminder, so I hope this helps, instead of literally having to tattoo it on your face.
Surviving burnout
Learn about it. It was only from being on JAAQ. talking about ADHD I came across Katie Maycock talking about burnout... when I realised this was an actual diagnosable condition taking 11 weeks to recover from.
Don't move country. I was sure this was the answer to my fatigue, but realised this was just my brain trying to solve the problem by booking flights to somewhere new. As Joseph Pack very rightly identified, our problems just follow us around.
Tackle the problem. Days or weeks off work won't necessarily help if you have to return to the same stress. Having ADHD, going on holiday can feel like dropping 109 plates I've been spinning, and returning to clean up the shattered pieces. Switching off completely before being thrown back into daily chaos can help you get perspective, but it does not solve the stress.
Focus on your environment and small, day to day habits. Pick ONE. Just one. I realised I had been trying to force myself to do lots of different exercises, but I just needed to start small: going to one yoga class, instead of football, rollerblading, aerial hoop, trapeze, and jiu jitsu. Try to identify one thing you can do to make yourself feel better that IS NOT WORK AND DOES NOT INVOLVE SCREENS. You can do anything, but not everything.
Exercise is the most effective thing to help with burnout, because it helps us to physically release the emotions we get trapped in. If you can't bring yourself to exercise out of the house (no judgement here!), just try to do 1 minute of conscious movement - whatever it is. Start small - the book Atomic Habits is great for this.
Tell someone you care about how you're feeling. I know it's very tough, but the people in your life care about you. Your brain might be stuck in work mode - but you do not have to solve everybody's problems. You are not a burden. When someone offers you help, take them up on it.
See a therapist, or a coach. Ironically, I coach people on these kind of things every day, and every time I've hit burnout, it's been coaching that's helped me get back out of it. Having someone objective looking in can help us see things differently.
Remember you cannot do it all. Burnout doesn't just come from work - prolonged states of stress might look like being a parent, social media use, or from a relationship, for example. We try to put ourselves through so much just because we think we should be able to, but remember, you have time, and you don't owe anybody anything.
Set boundaries and say no. This can feel very difficult to do, but imagine if you had to hand write a reply and go to the post office for every message you receive. This should be a helpful indicator of how much energy to give where! Something that helped me was not replying to everybody immediately, and turning my notifications off.
Prioritise your health - from someone who now has an involuntary tattoo reminder on their face of what happens when you don't. You get this one body, so please, try to use it whilst you can.
The happiest times of my life have not been publishing books, going on holiday, being on television, or making certain amounts of money. These things, I hate to say it, can feel quite empty and meaningless.
They've been cycling in the rain, singing to music whilst walking down the street, dancing like nobody's watching, and laughing with friends. Eating steaming bowls of pasta, watching sunsets, and hugging the people I care about. Swimming in the ocean, feeling the sun on my skin, skiing, and doing yoga. This is what I call making a living.
The things that matter in this life are not what our society see as 'big' achievements'. They're the moments along the way, the seconds of beauty, appreciation, awe, connection and joy that remind us what it is to be human. Enjoy your life, and live every second: that's what you're here for!